(No Guest Adam Breaks Wind)

Show contains: Great reenactment of Adam at the John Hiatt concert, gas

Great 1997 No guest show.

The Lords of Acid are in tomorrow and Buster Poindexter will be in on Tuesday. Adam accidently calls him Buster the Poindexter when he suggests he may actually be Dicky from the Bosstones in disguise.

Drew and Adam are on the 7-day a week plan and are about to have enough of each other.

What comes up next is one of my favorite reenactments ever done. Last night's guest was John Hiatt. Adam went to John's concert and had a great time, especially during the encore. Before telling the story, he has to explain to Drew how rock concerts do encores. Engineer Mike fires up the song Slow Turning (the song John used for his encore) to help the story telling effect. Drew calls him lame but Adam just tells him to shut up. Adam gets back into it by telling how halfway into the song, John stopped singing and all of a sudden goes:

"ADAM, ADAM! DREW! DREW! HELLLLP ME!!! HELLLLP MEEE!!!"

30 seconds later he does it again going:

"ADAM, ADAM! HELP MEE! DREEEEEEEEW!!!"

Adam then creamed in his pants, comparing himself to one of the crazed fans of the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show. When Drew gets mad at Adam for not telling him the story before the show, Adam says if he knew the story, Drew would just sit there like a block of petrified wood. Now he is just sitting there like a block of regular wood.

Caller Christine asks the question "Are there calories in semen?" Drew says the last time they were asked that question; they were at a balcony of a huge hall in Chicago. A person in the crowd said it was 2,000 calories. That was where Drew got the idea to tell his daughter that.

Caller Keith has a creepy grandfather who tried to get him to have sex at the age of 11. Drew suggests it could be a cultural thing. The grandfather was from Poland however.

Caller David is driving a semi. Adam can tell it's a truck as soon as the punch him up. Adam makes a reference to a 1970's tv show called "BJ and the Bear."

Adam mentions he had a bizarre dream last night. This is the one where Adam gets stuck under a glass coffee table and Drew Carey urinates on him.

A caller gets mad on Drew's behalf for him having to go on Charles Grodin's show. When Adam explains how they get stuck on TV shows where nobody knows who him and Drew are, he mocks the dumb host by saying "Hey, it's Dr. Jew and Adam A-hole-a." They also tend to end up getting stuck in between two other random guests on those shows.

Adam threatens if screwed up kids make his taxes get high enough, he is going to move to Geneva and host a show called "Cheese and Chocolate."

When it comes time to gamble, Drew says he left his wallet in his Volvo even though Adam saw him leaving Starbucks earlier. Drew brings up that there is a new device available that will actually unlock and start your car for you before you are even in it.

Adam recalls his traffic school teaching days when he has to yell at Drew for reading something during the show. Drew asks if he has any good stories from back then. Of course there are several:

One time Adam liked one of the girls in a class and looked up her number from the papers he got. He called but got an answering machine with a guy on it and nothing ever happened.

Another time he took his class outside to play Frisbee for three hours. It was supposed to be related to teaching them about aerodynamics.

Another time, during the one hour lunch break, he went out for drinks with a couple of the students and didn't come back until 2 1/2 hours later. Apparently the place he used to teach at was called "Lettuce Amuse You."

Drew makes a reference to Adam's PRS, or Personal Rating Scale.

Adam has a batting cage-like moment predicting how a girl met a guy. He then comes up with a Coffee and Donuts show about solving crimes over the phone. The girl isn't that bright and has hard time understanding Drew:

Drew: Why do you Hesitate?

Caller: What does my husband say???

Adam complains about video stores hiring the dregs of society. He then goes into realtors putting their picture all over everything. Years later he gets mad at Mrs. Weez for doing this.

Drew tries to paint a picture of a caller's ex-girlfriend going crazy and doing something like coming over to his house with an ax and destroying his front yard. Adam yells at him for not coming up with something better than front lawn. Drew says he was thinking front porch.

Adam tells Drew he has to break wind. He says he will go outside during the commercial and do it in the parking lot so Drew won't have to suffer through it. As soon as Drew thanks Adam for being considerate of him he changes his mind and does it into the mic, very loud and clear.

During the next call, Adam cuts her off and lets another one go, this time off mic.

After the break, he lets one more go. Sadly it is also off mic. He blames the fruit salad he ate earlier.

The last caller of the night has a lot of confusion when it comes to anatomy, very funny.

Adam gives thanks where thanks is do and calls Engineer Mike the "One Handed Masturbation Machine."