Lingo

Talk the Lingo

A quick guide to the lingo, drops, and in-jokes heard on Loveline over the years.

• A-200 Club

  A Poorman favorite term, callers with crabs were said to be new members of the A-200 Club, in reference to the anti-crab topical medication.

• Ace Rockolla

  Adam's alter-ego, making fun of "wacky" morning radio show hosts. The name was given to him by rapper Ice-T.

• Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown

  Ace's Mexican Rachero Accordion Countdown is a game thought up by Adam. The engineer will start at a random point in a random ranchero song. Before it starts, the hosts (and the guest, if any is around) will guess how many seconds will pass before an accordion starts playing. This can be anywhere from instantaneous (an accordion is already playing when the music begins) up to no accordion at all, which is a very rare occurrence.

  The game stems from Adam's opinion of ranchero music, which he thinks is some of the worst music around in part because of the use of the accordion. While his house was being built, he would tell stories about how the construction workers would play ranchero music loudly in the early morning. He no doubt also came across this type of music when he worked in construction and carpentry earlier in life.

• Adam, Carolla

  On 2005-05-15, Adam revealed his plans to replace the wording in the childhood swimming pool game "Marco Polo" from "Marco!, Polo!" to "Adam!, Carolla!". Callers picked up on the idea, many of them explaining to Adam that they have played the new version of the game at the pool. Also, many callers have started their calls with the sing-song yelling of "Addaaammm!", which Adam and Drew now respond to each time with, "Carrooolllaa!". Adam is forced to explain the new wording and his plan to any guests in the studio, as this is a confusing way to start a call to the uninitiated. Adam also explained this plan on his 2005-06-08 Jimmy Kimmel Live interview.

• Annilow

  (rhymes with Manilow)

  One of Riki Rachtman's nicknames for producer Ann Wilkins, a Barry Manilow fan.

• armadildo

  An idea Adam had for an invention, a dildo one wears on their arm.

• attack crows

  An idea from Adam Carolla, who suggested that someone should train crows as bodyguards.

• behymen

  Anal virginity, a portmanteau of the words "behind" and "hymen".

• Best Of

  A Best Of episode is a compilation episode which is aired in place of a live broadcast. They are made up of segments from past shows that featured memorable guests from the past year, though sometimes much older shows are used. Sometimes there will be segments used from shows that had no guests. Shows can take up one to two segments of a Best Of, depending on if there was a lot of interesting conversation going on with a guest or if there were a lot of good calls. The engineer at the time decides on which shows will be used for the Best Ofs.

  In the week or two leading up to a series of Best Of episodes, Adam and Drew will come into the show early to record introductions to the various Best Of segments, often recapping their feelings on the guests or certain phone calls. Sometimes Adam will go off on a short rant inspired by a segment that is about to play, allowing for some original material in the show. They also like to predict where they will be when the Best Of they are working on airs.

• bogosity

  The degree to which a Loveline caller's story is bogus.

  There is a long-running rule by the hosts of the show that bogus calls are acceptable, but the caller must be able to convincingly portray a real question and deceive the hosts into believing it is genuine. Blurting out a non-sequitur declaration once on the air is considered the mark of an imbecile and is not acceptable, and often the engineer on duty will simply "dump" the caller's utterance as though it were profanity, preventing it from ever being heard by anyone.

  Another long standing rule is that the caller must confess immediately if any host doubts their story and calls them out as bogus. This is for safety reasons, because if a caller seems to be in genuine distress or a crime is being described, the hosts are obligated to call the police. Refusal to confess that a call is bogus when confronted is considered a grave infraction. People that confess after a creative call and remain on the line are usually congratulated by the hosts, whether they were discovered as false or revealed it themselves at the end.

• bogus call

  A bogus call is a form of prank call played on the hosts of the show by callers.

  There is a long-running rule by the hosts of the show that bogus calls are acceptable, but anyone attempting such must following specific rules.

  Rules
  First, the caller must be able to convincingly portray what sounds like a real advice question. All Loveline calls are screened by a phone operator before being connected to the hosts, so a caller must first convince them they have a genuine question, or else the phone op will simply hang up on them. If the phone op buys their story, a text summary is put into the computer and the caller is put on hold. The hosts then read the text summaries of all the phone lines and decide which call they want to take at any given point. If they take the bogus caller's line and talk to them on air, that caller must continue the ruse and convince them they have a real problem to be solved.

  Blurting out a non-sequitur declaration once on the air with the hosts is not considered a proper bogus call, and is the mark of an imbecile. Often engineer Anderson will simply Dump the caller’s utterance as though it were profanity, preventing it from ever being heard by anyone.

  Another long standing rule that the caller must confess immediately if any host doubts their story and calls them out as bogus. This is for safety reasons, because if a caller seems to be in genuine distress or a crime is being described, the hosts are obligated to call the police. Refusal to confess that a call is bogus when confronted is considered a grave infraction, and is a great source of frustration to the staff of the show. Dr. Drew in particular is extremely skilled at finding holes in implausible stories, so callers that refuse to fess up are usually hung up on before they can continue their schtick any further.

  People that confess after a creative call and remain on the line are usually congratulated by the hosts, whether they were discovered as false or revealed it themselves at the end.

  Mason Jar
  References to a mason jars indicate that a given call is a bogus call, and the caller’s story is entirely fabricated. The expression originated with a caller in the late 90s who would call the show with elaborate stories, eventually working in the line "She had a butthole the size of a mason jar." This punchline has since been copied by many other callers which have used both the term "Butt-Hole" and "Ass-Hole." The Mason Jar shtick was around until shortly after the Janet Jackson Super Bowl "Wardrobe Malfunction" caused an extreme tightening of the rules of conduct which caused the show to have to censor the term "Ass-Hole," though this restriction eventually relaxed. The phrase "mason jar" is also used by the hosts when they suspect a call is fake. In 2003, the original caller from Tucson contacted Doctor Drew and apologized for what he had planned to be a simple joke-call that got out of hand. Doctor Drew spoke of his contact with the caller on many episodes in the latter half of 2003 and even offered to have the young man from Tucson, AZ on the show. The caller never accepted the invitation.

  The "mason jar" line gradually faded in use by callers some years after Carolla's departure, though occasionally comes up when he is a guest host.

  Lord Sarah
  Sarah was a caller from Austin, TX in May 2009 who claimed she was diagnosed by a doctor as having an anal fissure, and was curious if it was caused by her having anal sex. Adam Carolla was guest hosting at the time. During the conversation, they heard the characteristic chirp of a dying Smoke Detector, a major pet peeve and often a sign the caller was a complete moron. Sarah claimed she was oblivious to it now, and that she'd never realized what the sound meant. Incensed by how stupid she seemed, Adam launched into a 10 minute long rant about just how stupid any person must be to not change the battery, and tangentially that people like her were the reason that warning labels are on everything. He then went on another tangential rant about how he felt women were not capable of figuring out how to get at things that are out of reach, alluding to the fact that Sarah hadn't used a ladder to change the battery, and that women never seem to use ladders. He then asked her not to change the battery, so that if there was a fire, she would be killed and not reproduce. At this point, Drew told her that her having anal sex was the reason for the fissure and that it would not heal properly until she stopped. She replied, "Could possibly be because I have an asshole the size of a mason jar?" thus revealing the entire call was a ruse. She revealed that the smoke detector sound was a recording she was playing to fool them, thus invalidating Adam's whole rant. Adam then told her to "put the guy on the phone" (due to his belief that women never make bogus calls unless put up to it by men). However, she revealed there wasn't any there, thus invalidate another of his stereotypes, though she did admit the prank was planned by multiple people from a Loveline forum, some of whom are probably male. Drew and Adam both praised her for superbly executing the call, Drew dubbing her forever after, "Lord Sarah."

  Steven
  Steven was a caller in January 2012 who, like Sarah, also called during an night when Carolla as a guest, though he was not on the microphones at the time. In a tearful, slurred voice, he claimed he was involved with a woman whom he'd fathered a two-year old daughter with, and that this woman had started stripping and drinking heavily. He stated that he felt he could not say anything because she was the sole income for the household due to him recovering from a back injury and being on opiate painkillers by prescription. Drew and Mike encouraged him to get off the painkillers, as regardless of any doctor's recommendation, he was not being an effective parent in his current state. Steven then mentioned the "mason jar" line and suddenly dropped his inebriated slur, revealing a completely normal speaking voice and that he was a PsiD candidate who had been inspired by his listening to the show.

  Dakota
  During an Open Forum segment on November 19, 2013 about injuries sustained during sex, Dakota told a colorful tale of having sex with her boyfriend at the age of 17. Having never used a condom before, Dakota discovered she was allergic to latex when her genitalia began to burn and swell. She claims the swelling was so intense that it closed around her boyfriend's penis tight enough that he could not withdraw. The couple were then forced to call to her parents for help, who assisted them in walking to the car and then drove them to the emergency room, still joined together. Dakota was administered a medication to reduce the swelling so they could be pulled apart, and the condom was removed via speculum with forceps. The nail in the coffin for this call was when Dakota claimed her father's name is Mike and "went crazy" after the incident, so they began calling him Psycho Mike (not only an obvious shout-out but bizarre she would call her biological father by his first name).

  Dr. Drew seemed aware the call was bogus and mentioned it in passing; being a physician he knew the part about the boyfriend being trapped was impossible. However, Drew and Mike were so entertained by her elaborate descriptions and delivery, they decided to play along and were very complimentary of Dakota despite the fact that she cussed multiple times while talking on the air.

  Dakota's detailed description of the incident suggest that most of it might actually be true, apart from a lot of descriptive exaggeration and minus the part about the couple being stuck together. The amount of pressure required to grasp the penis where it could not be withdrawn would have been the equivalent of a tourniquet, and would have caused the boyfriend severe pain and likely permanent injury to the cavernous bodies in his penis. More importantly, no amount of vaginal swelling could produce such pressure and friction. As many other couples with latex allergies already know, normally when vaginal swelling occurs the act simply becomes too painful to continue or at worst, the penis is simply forced out of the opening. More than likely Dakota did have an allergic reaction to latex and still faced the awkwardness of having to be driven to the hospital by her parents, just not with her boyfriend inserted into her at the time.

  On November 24, Dakota came to the studio in person and retold her story, though it became increasingly obvious the story was at least partially fake under cross-examination by Mike and Drew. She made numerous slips and changes to her story during the conversation including saying she was at her boyfriend's house and called to his parents rather than hers, and that her boyfriend was able to free his penis right away in the bedroom, and later stated he did so in the car en-route to the hospital, not at the hospital after drugs were administered like she claimed in the original call. However, Drew stated very plainly "If this were a bogus call, I don't care! Because you thought out all these details so well." She continued to insist it was true and said she would obtain the medical records from the hospital and provide them to Dr. Drew. The records would likely support that she had an allergic reaction to latex and required removal of the condom, but most likely will contain nothing to prove her boyfriend was trapped in her since, after she changed her story the third time, he was able to withdraw before they reached the hospital.

  In Februrary of 2014, when a caller directly asked them why they had not mentioned Dakota's call in a while, Drew and Mike finally admitted they were convinced she not only was lying, but had other things wrong with her that were far more concerning than a latex allergy (i.e. mental illness).

• bumper

  A bumper, as far as Loveline is concerned, is a short musical loop that is played when going to break and coming back from a break, and acts as a transition piece. While the ones going to break stay the same, the ones coming back from breaks rotate every so many months. They are non-lyrical loops from popular songs at the time they are introduced. There are six such bumpers on the show (since the opening bumper rarely changes).

• c-ring

  Cock ring. The word "cock" would get censored on the air, so Adam used this term.

• Chief Thunderbear

  Chief Thunderbear is the "American Indian gynecologist" who occasionally "guests" on the show to answer gynecological questions for callers. In reality, the Chief is obviously a character voiced by Adam. Originally the Chief only spoke in the choctaw language, Drew acting as translator, but he has recently been speaking more and more english during his visits.

  On 4 May 2004 was probably the first appearance of an American Indian character on the show that was given a name. Adam and Drew were talking to a caller about how she could not get into a good college because she got a bad score on the SATs. The only way she could possibly get into a state school would be if she were "110% Iroquois Indian". Drew suggested that she would need to claim she was a Creek and make issue with the Creek Massacre. Adam goes into a dialogue between the dean, a "Mr. Thundercloud", and his translator.

  On 25 May 2004 the Indian character resurfaces, this time as an Alaskan therapist named "Proud Bear". He's described as chanting and dancing around with a huge bear head and a bear skin running down his back with a giant rattle and a big dream catcher. Drew goes on to translate for Proud Bear for the rest of a call.

  On 26 May 2004, the Indian character is given the title "Chief Thunderbear, American Indian gynecologist". The Chief spoke Choctaw and Drew translated for a call.

  Another name that the Chief has taken is Running Bear.

  Chief Thunderbear is known to make an appearance on the following shows:

  2004-05-04
  2004-05-25
  2004-05-26
  2004-11-18
  2004-12-07
  2005-01-09

• crab-walk

  A practical joke described by Stryker as when you walk upside down on all four limbs, ejaculate on your stomach, and walk into a room with your friends.

• crystal ball

  Dr. Drew often can look into his "crystal ball" and foresee the future of callers based on their behaviors and family history. He typically points out he sees things like a pole in a girl's future or bad addiction.

• cyber Adam

  On the 2002-09-22 show, the seeds of "cyber Adam" were planted when Adam explained, "If I don't have an answer, that's the way I finish" - referring to the phrase, "That's why you get the big bucks". He then added three more phrases: "what are you gonna do?", "he's a big boy", and, "good times".

  On the 2002-09-24 show, at Anderson's prompting, Adam laid down samples for each of his phrases, including a new one, "that's why I get the big bucks".

  At a later date, it was determined that Adam could theoretically phase himself out of the show, staying at home and allowing these 5 general phrases to do his job for him. The theory was tested out on a few callers, and was dubbed "cyber Adam".

• douchenozzle

  Adam's version of the popular douchebag, claimed to be more insulting as it is the "business end of the douche." Suggested to be effective in traffic, as in "Shake your ass, ya douchenozzle!"

• drop trou

  Short for "dropping trousers," what "Ace Rockolla" is wont to do.

• drops

  In the radio industry, a short sound bite is called a drop. Usually drops are used comedically. On Loveline, Engineer Anderson is quite skilled at choosing and timing drops to great effect.

• dump

  Dump or Dumping is the act of removing a snippet of audio from a live broadcast by means of broadcast delay technology. How this works is that despite being "live broadcast," listeners of the show are actually hearing what was said approximately 7-10 seconds earlier. This small window allows the show's engineer (in Loveline's case, Anderson Cowan) to remove a portion from the sound (such as a spoken word or phrase) so no one receiving the broadcast will ever hear it. This is done for one of several reasons:

  1. The use of a profane word, which on Loveline is confined to the words "fuck," "shit," "cunt," "tit(s)," "cock" if referring to a penis (but not a chicken) and "piss" if used in reference to urination, but not if used in reference to anger or drunkenness (UK English). It is also occasionally used for offensive slurs for race or sexual orientation, but this is not done consistently.
  2. Accidental utterance of personally identifying information, such a caller's last name or someone's phone number.
  3. Shout outs to caller's friends
  4. Improper prank calls where the person blurts out a "code phrase" (for correct prank call rules and procedures, see Bogus Calls).

  When a "dump" is initiated, it will sound to the listener like a brief silence before the audio resumes. Unlike most radio shows, Anderson is able to cut out the offending audio with a high degree of precision. In the case of cuss words for example, he often will take out only the word and nothing else. In most cases, the caller is immediately muted as well to prevent any further utterances while the broadcast delay "resets," as only one segment can be dumped at a time and the machine takes about 10-20 seconds to build a buffer back up. Callers that cuss again after being dumped once are usually hung up on, especially if they deny it or show no remorse.

  Profanity from callers has been an gradually increasing problem as the show has gone on, especially since the 2000s. This is most likely due to the general rise in consumption of YouTube, podcasts, Sirius radio, Netflix, HBO, Hulu, and numerous other similar media that do not have to comply with FCC broadcast regulations. Consumption of this media is highest among Loveline's target demographic (late teens and young adults) and likely leads to them being so acclimatized to uncensored speech that they forget when they call the show.

• egotard

  Adams definition of an ego-retarded caller.

• gambling

  After talking to a caller for more than 15–20 seconds, Dr. Drew and Carolla would put them on hold and "gamble" by placing bets on the caller's past, the theory being that they have fielded so many calls by so many people that they could hear the specific problem in the caller's voice and detect what events led to their present situation.

• Germany or Florida?

  First mentioned on October 19, 2003 and first played on October 26, 2003, Germany or Florida is a game that originated at Jimmy Kimmel Live with the staff of writers who discovered a correlation in the news stories they would read for joke material. Adam observed that "All weird stories emanate from either Germany or Florida." Originally intended as a game to be used on Kimmel's show, it was rejected and Adam decided to bring it to Loveline.

  The object of the game is to have a listener read off a strange, macabre, or just plain weird news story and have the hosts (and guests) choose whether the story originated from Germany or Florida. According to some listeners' best guesses, Adam is about 55% correct, and Dr. Drew is about 40%. Theme songs introducing the game have been created by guests and callers, most notably David Alan Grier's opera and beat-box renditions.

• good times

  Used to indicate that everything is (or will be) all right, frequently as a method of ending a call. Occasionally used ironically by Dr. Drew when something has obviously gone wrong.

• happies

  Adam Carolla's term for herpes.

• hobo-power

  A measure of stink created by Adam. A 1-100 scale, where 50 is a cat crapping on a white-hot hibachi grill (50 hobo-power is enough to make someone vomit), and 100 is a theoretical "absolute zero" that has never been attained. It is theorized that 100 hobo-power would be deadly.

• Jack That Dork

  Jack That Dork is a takeoff of the old 50s game show (which also saw remakes in the 70s and 90s) Name That Tune in which contestants had to guess the name of a song in a certain number of notes. The twist in this version of the game is that contestants have to try and ejaculate in as few strokes as possible, constantly bidding lower and lower until one of them calls the other's bluff by saying 'jack that dork!'

  The game came out of a phone call on 8 February 2004. Charles, 20, claimed that when he urinated, it went off to the side because he had been masturbating with his right hand since he was 12, and tried to correct his penis's direction by using his left but it did not help. Adam thought it was bogus, but continued on with the call. Charles claimed that '[he] got it down to where, you know, [he could] do it in a commercial.' To which Adam said he could do it in 15 strokes. Charles did not understand the reference and admitted defeat. Drew suggested that it was called 'Name That Bone', then Adam came up with the title 'Jack That Dork'. Adam and Drew then went on to simulate the game and discuss the rules, such as what constitutes one stroke. In championship play, a band would play Flight of the Bumblebee by Rimsky-Korsakov and there would be a laser beam to make sure that the strokes were regulation. In an effort to answer Charles's question, Drew quickly suggests that he may have a Peyronie's condition and that 800 units of vitamin E a day might help, and mentions surgeries and just laying off the trauma, so to speak. Adam jumps back into gameplay details for the 'Boner Round'. A picture of the contestant's grandmother would be put up on the big screen television and there would be no looking away from it or closing the eyes, or they would show Schindler's List or video of victims from the Vietnam War or something equally unsettling. They discuss the strategy of the whole game, and contemplate getting [Mark] DeCarlo or Jeff Probst to host it. They imagine what it would be like interviewing the winner after the show.

• junior college

  Junior college is the same as a community college, except that it is privately owned. The highest degree you can earn in either is an associate's degree, and the credits you earn can be transferred to a four year college or university.

  For the most part, Adam is harsh on the idea of people going to a junior college. He feels that they are for people who weren't very good in high school and should just go out and get a job instead, or go to a specialty school. The unstructured environment leads to people hanging around for years and never graduating. A location on a junior college campus that is mentioned on the show is the snack shack, where people hang out and waste all their time. One definition he has given a JC is 'high school with ash trays'.

  People who are fine at junior college:

  • nursing program students
  • Asians
  • Indians (Native Americans)
  • foreigners who were doctors (or any other trained and respected professionals) in their old countries
  • JC athletes (kind of a farm league), lot of good players, sports guys are dumb anyhow so they need a couple of years before they transfer

  People who should not waste their time at junior college:

  • old people
  • white people
  • 19 year old f-ups / people who were horrible in high school
  • good-looking people

  Adam went to a junior college, Los Angeles Valley College, for a brief period of time. On 19 October 2003, he mentions playing JC football for about half a year. On 31 January 2005, he goes into much greater detail. "Drew, I went to junior college. I know what goes on there. No. I shouldn't say I know what goes on over there. I know what doesn't go on over there." He originally went because he was recruited by the local coach, Chuck, to play football right when he got out of high school. Other schools that were interested in him were University of the Pacific, Thurgood Marshall College, Lewis and Clark, California State Polytechnic University, Pomona, California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, and University of California, Davis. He didn't go to any of them because they didn't have big football programs, and he didn't have anyone to help him fill out the paperwork.

  He got out the first time when he was 19 because he hurt his back. In interim, he did carpet-cleaning, ditch-digging, and a few years of carpentry. He went back when he was 23 and took two classes. He was interested in going back for radio, but a prerequisite was a voice and diction class which he was not interested in. He did complete those classes, but fell apart the next semester. While attending junior college the second time, he was working with born-again Christians at Always Better Closets, installing closets.

  Drew is far more believing that there are a good number of students who transfer from junior college to a university.

• lesbian college

  Adam will often end his stock advice to sympathetic female callers (almost always of a heterosexual orientation) from chaotic family lives out of their control with this salvo. Something along the lines of "You have to stay away from the bad people in your life, get your grades up, get into volleyball, and when you're 18 go away to some lesbian college in the Northeast."

• lightning round

  Although not technically a game, it was a favorite show-ender for Carolla much to the chagrin of Dr. Drew. It consisted of his imitation of the non-stop morning DJ ("slow 'n' go watch for brake lights, mattress in lane!", "7:29, 29 past the hour", "50,000 watt flamethrower!", "Van Nuys checkin' in at 63, Laguna Beach checkin' in at 63, Burbank checkin' in at a toasty 63...", "Let's check the time real fast!", "I'M A CRAZY MAN! I WILL DROP TROW!"), a vicious cowbell, and audio drops of thunderclaps.

• little girl voice

  The Little Girl Voice is an informal name for a vocal trait in adult women that is caused by psychological trauma before the onset of puberty. Women that are affected speak in a higher sounding, child-like pattern, usually in a manner similar to the age at which they suffered the traumatic event.

  Dr. Drew frequently uses this as a cue when talking to female callers, in order to better understand the cause of their problems. He is so practiced at noticing it that he can often guess down to a 6 month period in the woman's life when she was traumatized, and sometimes even what the trauma was, much to everyone's amazement. Sometimes callers lie or obfuscate about having a trauma history at first, claiming their childhood was completely normal, only to reveal something horrific later in the conversation that precisely fits with Drew's initial deduction.

  Dr. Drew discovered this phenomenon after practicing medicine for many years and noticing a very distinct pattern with his patients, whom he often converses with personally during the treatment process. He noticed all the female patients who talked a certain way had a trauma history (usually sexual abuse) that they would reveal during the session. Strangely, there has been no formal scientific study of this phenomenon, though its reality is undeniable in the face of call after call that the doctor correctly deduces, sometimes with them only saying a single word. Drew surmises that the incident of trauma "freezes" some portion of the brain's development, resulting in the speech pattern remaining the same into adulthood. He also notes that women who undergo long and intensive treatment usually lose this pattern and speak normally.

  Despite its lack of formal research, many others in the mental health field to have noticed this pattern too, though detecting it correctly requires practice. Laypeople with sufficient experience can learn to pick up on it, though they can sometimes be mistaken if person merely has a high-pitched voice. Drew often suggests closing one's eyes and imagining that you know nothing about the speaker (including their real age) and concentrating on how old the speaker makes you feel like they are.

• Little Lord Fauntleroy School for Albino Hemophiliacs

  The Little Lord Fauntleroy School for Albino Hemophiliacs is a made up place that Adam jokes about Drew (and sometimes his kids) having attended.

  Little Lord Fauntleroy was the name of a book written in the late 19th century about a young American boy who learns he is in line to become an Earl in England. The term has also become synonymous with someone who acts and/or dresses in an overly aristocratic manner.

  Adam uses the term to paint Drew's childhood as very protected, rich, frail, and with no understanding of and isolation from middle and lower class living. Adding 'for Albino Hemophiliacs' only adds to the impression that the school is for the very rich who have never done any physical outdoor labor and are thus pale and weak. Adam is poking fun at the fact that Drew was raised in a well-to-do family, attended good schools his whole life, and did not share Adam's less-than-extravagant childhood.

  Adam will also describe Drew as dressing up in a Blue Boy outfit and carrying his books with a leather bookstrap. The Blue Boy is the name of a painting done by the English painter Thomas Gainsborough in the 16th century, portraying a boy wearing an expensive blue outfit and standing in a somewhat regal pose.

• long-time listener, first-time caller

  One night, a little over a year after Adam started on the show, he flew into a rant insisting that "Long-time listener, first-time caller" was a traditional part of the radio call-in show, but that in his time on Loveline nobody had ever used it. Starting with the very next caller, and running for years after, the phrase became the most common way for callers to start off their question.

• mahalo

  Adam's traditional sign-off phrase of both the Loveline radio and MTV shows. When Adam left in 2005, Dr. Drew created his own sign-off, "be well." As of August 2007, he has most recently used, "Stay well," as his sign-off when unaccompanied by Stryker.

• Manayz

  Adam's fictitious rap name, as in Snoop Dogg's comment, "That's my main man, Manayz." It's white like Adam and ends in a Z like a rapper's name.

• mason jar

  The key term given by a bogus Loveline caller to declare its bogosity and end the call, usually preceded by "his/her asshole was the size of a…"

  References to a mason jar indicate that a given call is a bogus call, and the caller’s story is entirely fabricated. The expression originated with a caller in the late '90s who would call the show with elaborate stories, eventually working in the line "She had a butthole the size of a mason jar." This punchline has since been copied by many other callers which have used both the term "Butt-Hole" and "Ass-Hole." The Mason Jar shtick was around until shortly after the Janet Jackson Super Bowl "Wardrobe Malfunction" caused an extreme tightening of the rules of conduct which caused the show to have to censor the term "Ass-Hole," though this restriction eventually relaxed. The phrase "mason jar" is also used by the hosts when they suspect a call is fake.

  Thomas from Tucson, AZ called into the show and came up with elaborate fake phone calls. At the end of the call, in order to let them know that it was all a joke, he would say, "She had a butthole the size of a mason jar." Other people began to call in with fake calls and would signify that they had gotten the better of the hosts by ending the call with "a butthole the size of a mason jar."

  Years later, on the 8/28/2002 show, Thomas explained that on October 17, 1996, at the Hotel Congress in Tucson, Adam had made a comment about mason jars that he thought was "the funniest thing ever." Thomas stole the idea and started using it in his calls.

  In 2003, Thomas contacted Dr. Drew and apologized for what he had planned to be a simple joke-call that got out of hand. Doctor Drew spoke of his contact with the caller on many episodes in the latter half of 2003 and even offered to have the young man from Tucson on the show. The caller never accepted the invitation.

• Michael Narren

  Michael Narren is a fan and talented artist who has created a few awesome Flash animations of segments from the show, all of which have been viewed by and received favorable mention from Adam and Drew.

  The Sacred Wisdom of Chief Thunderbear (audio sourced from 26 May 2004)

  Grand Theft Submarine (finished on 09 December 2004, audio sourced from 15 August 2004)

  Finding Fauntleroy (finished 03 April 2005)

  Romeo and Drewliet (finished 16 July 2006)

  Gay Eye (made for the Adam Carolla Podcast)

  Mr. Narren spoke to Adam and Drew on the 2004-11-08 show.

• Miriam

  Miriam is/was a chronic fake-caller to Loveline who unlike many bogus callers, does not follow the "Geneva convention on bogus calls". Her calls are almost always very detailed and involve serious subjects - and are therefore often not detected. She never ends a call with the classic bogus call tag-line, "his/her butthole is the size of a mason jar!".

  Miriam's most well-known call took place on the 2003-06-16 show, when she was finally busted by Adam and Drew with help from a visiting fan, Thomas. Thomas knew about Miriam's bogus calls, as well as her current on-going series of calls as abuse victim 'Sophia'. Thomas knew all of the details through his involvement at The Loveline Companion forum, where Miriam had been posting about her calls. So, when 'Sophia' called while he was there he was able to explain to the Loveline staff that her call was fake, and they busted her on-air.

  Other known Miriam calls:

  2003-03-30: caller "Melissa" - Very confusing and chaotic call, she suposedly found out the woman who raised her was her aunt and not her mom. She started crying when describing supposed molestation. She continually brought up additional problems throughout the call until Adam and Drew cut her off.

  2003-05-27: caller "Burnadette" - says her mother dresses promiscuously.

• Nectar of the 'Tards

  Adam has mentioned several times that he considers Mountain Dew to be "The Nectar of the 'Tards" and anyone who drinks it is probably destined for junior college. He has also, on several occasions, suggested adding a sterility agent to the drink, but in such a small amount that it would only affect those who drink it frequently.

• Nosredna

  Stryker's nickname given to sound engineer, Anderson Cowan. This is "Anderson" backwards.

• passionate, passionate man

  How Adam describes Dr. Drew. The term can also be used in reference to Ben Stein.

• perfectly normal, perfectly healthy

  Phrase used ironically to indicate that the caller's problem is out of the ordinary or that a sexual behavior may have serious psychological implications.

• phallacy

  A combination of "phallus" and "fallacy". Lying about the size of one's phallus.

• radio math

  Adam Carolla's "sophisticated" calculations used to determine a female caller's actual height and weight based on the caller's claimed (and assumed to be false) height and weight.

• Rape-bank

  The pet name used by Carolla to refer to the city of Burbank, based on his supposition that the city officials' main goal is to financially and spiritually rape their citizens.

• repetition compulsion

  Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. First studied and named by Dr. Sigmund Freud in 1914, the principle is not well known by the lay population, but has seen a resurgence in interest in the late 20th century.

  In the context of Loveline's subject area of sexuality and romantic relationships, repetition compulsion is a frequent subject brought up by Dr. Drew about why callers seem to engage in certain maladaptive behaviors, or are extremely attracted to people that hurt them. Dr. Drew often uses the definition "Events that are terrorizing in childhood become sources if immense attraction in adulthood" and describes the causal relationship as "magical," referring metaphorically to how reliably it occurs, yet people are unaware of it. At present, no one has been able to come up with a definitive evolutionary reason why this phenomenon occurs. Drew and other mental health professionals have only been able to speculate that it is a misguided attempt for the person to "master" the terror of their childhood by doing it again but this time it having a different result. Though as Rita Mae Brown's famous quote goes "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."

  Over the years of Loveline, several prominent examples of repetition compulsion have come up so often it is almost uncanny. Yet most callers are utterly oblivious to the connection between their current problems and the events of their childhood; some are even in extreme denial, claiming no trauma happened, only to reveal the exact event Drew speculated happened to them later in the call. When the childhood event is revealed, Drew is known to shout "sssshocking!" sarcastically and sometimes go into fits of frustration if the caller attempted to obfuscate the matter.

  Popular examples of repetition compulsion in Loveline calls include:

  • Women who had violent alcoholic fathers growing up and dating/marrying men who were "normal" at the beginning of the relationship, only to have their drinking and violence get out of control at a later time.
  • People who were sexually abused before puberty experiencing a rape in the teenage years.
  • Rape victims who suddenly experience a surge in libido and become sexually compulsive .
  • People who were physically abused in childhood engaging in rough or even sadomasochistic sex as adults.
  • Women who were sexually abused who then grow up and date or marry men that later sexually abuse that women's children (Drew calls this behavior "inviting foxes into the hen-house").
  • Women whose fathers left the the household for any reason (usually divorce) or were otherwise emotionally distant, then grow up and end up with emotionally unavailable men. This is possible with men too, but much less frequent due to mothers staying with their children much more often than fathers.
  • People whose parent had an affair, who then date people that cheat on them.
  • Children of teenage parents who become teenage parents themselves.
• ricockulous

  Replacing the "dic" with "cock", meaning more extreme than ridiculous.

• Sativa

  A car that Adam Carolla imagined after hearing a caller's name.

• smoke detector batteries

  Every once in a while, while a caller is asking a totally unrelated question, Adam and Drew hear a tiny, high-pitched beep in the background and jump all over the caller.[1] They have been conditioned to recognize the tell-tale sound of a smoke detector chirping to remind the owner to replace the battery. This is a personal pet peeve of Adam and Drew, an example they use to show how stupid some of their callers are. They make sure to draw attention to it by making the caller be quiet until they can time the space between beeps (usually between 30–45 seconds), and then every 20 seconds of the caller's question they will interrupt him or her so they can hear the beep. Some callers will deny that something is beeping, but then later in the call, Adam and Drew will find out there is a smoke detector over the caller's bed. Adam has commented that a pet lizard in the person's room would kill itself, yet the caller is totally oblivious. He also joked about how the children of the "smoke detector people" will buy recorded sounds of a smoke detector beep to help them sleep at night.

• sploser

  Defined as 'part spaz, all loser', Adam came up with this term in reference to people who will wait outside the Loveline studio in the parking lot with pictures of the guest(s), hoping to get an autograph. He jokes that when they hear how he is talking about them, that they vandalize his car.

  This definition can also be applied to anyone who is a really big fan of someone, following them around and/or obsessing about their life (stalker?).

  The spelling for this term is uncertain, as it is unlikely that Adam would ever care to write it out. Going by the words it is derived from, 'sploser' seems to be the proper spelling. Alternative spellings include 'splooser' and 'sploozer'.

• stangry

  A phrase coined for aggressive callers who are an unfortunate combination of stupid and angry.

• sushi bar

  A phrase Poorman coined to refer to giving a female oral sex.

• Tim, the Russian rapper

  Tim was a Russian boy who was friend's with Adam's "little brother". Adam enjoys making fun of his accent and rap lyrics.

• unitage

  One of the Poorman's favorite terms for penis.

• Vicar of Christ

  Adam's alias when the Roman Catholic Church was choosing a new Pope.

• waffle-crapper

  A girl that is so hot that she could crap on a waffle and you would eat it and ask for more. Dr. Drew came up with the term while Will Arnett was telling a story.

• Westwood Two

  Adam's preferred name for the Westwood One studio, which he feels so inadequate and rundown that it does not deserve its "One" status. Also frequently called it Westwood None.

• Yucaipa

  A city in San Bernardino County, California from which callers frequently claimed to be calling when unwilling or reluctant to disclose their actual location. Adam and Drew frequently permitted callers to claim they were from Yucaipa despite the statistical improbability of so many callers coming from this rather small city.