Jumping right into calls right off the bat.
Jumping right into calls right off the bat.
Caller Savannah is apparently aware of her namesake, the porn star Savannah who according to legend put a revolver in her vagina and pulled the trigger. Drew makes mention of the fact that she dated Pauly Shore for a period. Adam says Pauly is a really funny guy because he was walking down a red carpet with her and someone asked how they met and he said "On Planet WEEEEZE!!!" A real talent that Pauly Shore.
So Savannah is really really into the image she's crafted for herself, which is that of the tortured young woman. She's built a whole scenario around it to make sure the stereotype sticks. She says she's addicted to Oxycodone (Percocet)and that she takes up to 25 a day....yeeeahhhhh. She says she steals it from a family member who has Cancer. She keeps trying to work a prepared statement in but the guys keep cutting her off. When she finally gets her moment to shine she reveals that she's "sitting in my room just listening to Bittersweet Symphony." This is the entire reason for her call. It's a deep song and she thinks by invoking its title she will somehow absorb some of its depth. I'm sure she expected a knowing "ahhhh" from the guys -- and all the listeners -- but only gets cut off by Drew telling her to seek help. Adam focuses on the important part, which is how in the hell she rips off 25 pills a day without anyone noticing them. Drew: "What does he have a 10,000 pill bottle that you can just take 25 a day out of?" Drew asks how her grandfather doesn't miss the "25 pills a day" that go missing and she says "because he has........I don't know, I'm a very good liar." Yeah I think that's the key statement in this whole thing. The call doesn't actually go anywhere but she got to say that she was sitting in her room listening to Bittersweet Symphony on repeat, which it's clear was her only real intention. She made the hair on the back of her neck stand up over how deep she is so mission complete for Savannah.
Adam asks Drew if he notices anything different about him tonight and Drew takes a couple guesses with Adam mocking both, and Drew gets pissed and blows up a little at him by asking "do you want me to answer your goddamn question or not?!" Go Drew!
Karen, 25, has a boyfriend who wants to have a threesome, but she knows it can cause problems in a relationship. She says she's somewhat willing to participate.
Adam wants to talk to big fat Dave, 21, who is 350lbs. His girlfriend is also obese and he's calling to ask about sexual positions for fat people. Drew gets into something called the flying L, some kind of perpendicular creation, which prompts Adam to declare that Drew has a Dr. Suess-like sexual imagination. Dave: "How would I do something like that?" Adam: "Well you gotta go down to the swingset at the playground."
Chris, 15, is bisexual and his mom doesn't know yet. Adam: "Well you gotta tell her immediately. This was bogus from syllable one." He ends up believing Chris but gets very frustrated with him for his passive aggressive style of speaking, which is wear the person takes a few beats before every answer or constantly says "huh?" so he has to repeat himself.
Adam's rant on the reverse beep on garbage trucks and the like.
Mirriah, 23, is an escort. She and her boyfriend are thinking of getting engaged and "we don't want to be with anyone else." Adam: "For free." They've been together for four years and he still doesn't know what she does. Solid relationship. They talk to this chick for a long ass time. She was molested by her mom's Asian boyfriend when she was 8-9, so she doesn't service any Asians. Adam says that's a bad move because they're hairless, have no pepes, and aren't big conversationalists, they're in and out. He says she should give Asians a deal, like a carwash that charges $10 for vans, $7.50 for cars. He asks where the boyfriend was from and turns out he's Vietnamese. Adam: "Vietnamese, so the Japs gotta pay? You're lopping all the Asians in together." This is after he does 5 minutes of Asian stereotypes. lol.
Caller Mia can suck air through her vagina and blow it out. Adam: "Speaking of Asians, we gotta get you a ping pong ball." I knew a girl who could do this. She laid down on the floor and sucked her stomach in and a little pfft noise happened. I was like "was that it?" and she said "no that was it going in." She pushed and, man I'm telling you, it sounded like a big fart, with solid bass and everything. Hell of a talent that Stacy. So they have Mia display her talents and she gives a kind of rapid fire three-shot. Stacy would queef her off the stage if she were here. Adam has her try to get something up there so she can see if she can blow a bubble.
They go to break and when they come back Mia is gone so no bubble blowing. They cue up DAG's GorF theme and it's time for Germany or Florida. Chris, 20, does the honors. This becomes one of Drew's favorite GorF's of all time, and Adam declares it his favorite bar none. It's about a bunch of 70-something-year-old men who rob banks using WWII era weapons. Should be turned into a movie immediately.
Drew talks about how Andrew Jackson would duel with other men (stand in the street, walk 10 paces, turn and shoot) all the way up until he was elected President. Adam, apparently jealous of Drew's presidential trivia, adds that out of the 43 Presidents we've had, only three haven't had pets.
Vanessa, took a knee to the pelvis during a soccer game a couple years back and got purple and swollen labia. She's fine now, but was having sex recently and started swelling in the same spot and wonders if it's linked to the injury.
27-year-old Ron was getting a hand job from his girlfriend and she pinched off his dick when he came because he heard it's supposed to feel better. Now he is experiencing bleeding when he takes a piss. Adam is more concerned that a 27-year-old is getting a hand job. Ron: "Well, I'm just experimenting." Adam: "You wanna experiment, dump some baking soda in some vinegar, and leave the dick pinching to the pros, like Drew."
Caller Maria was sexually abused when she was 3 by her brother. She looked at it like a game where he would steal her from her bedroom and do things to her. Now she wants recreate that scenario with her current boyfriend. Adam and Drew marvel at that part of human pathology, that we seek to reenact trauma. I didn't catch Maria's age but she's got the little girl voice that makes her sound like she's 13, but she says she's about to graduate college with a degree in Biomedical Engineering.
Unnamed caller isn't on birth control but she's on a range of medications that prevent her from getting pregnant....or so she thinks. Drew corrects her that she can absolutely get pregnant but it will harm the child. So she apparently misread her doctor's inflection. You can't get pregnant on these meds. Oh sweet, all the consequence-free sex I want. No no, you CAN'T get pregnant on these meds! Gotcha doc *wink wink*. Somebody stop that crazy bitch! Smash cut to the hallway and she's already bent over a wheelchair getting fucked by a male nurse.