Before I tell my story, I’ll share that I did call in twice, and got on the air both times. But, rather than call for advice, I just called to ask questions of the respective guests: Larry Flynt, and Kurtwood Smith.
How it changed my life…as I type this, I have been happily married for over six years now, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. However, before I met my wife…the single life was nothing short of absolutely brutal to me. I got dumped over and over and over and over and over again. I’ll be honest: it caused me a great deal of pain that I carried with me for many years. I was never told why I was dumped. All those hundreds of women…not…one…single…time…had any of these women possessed the stones to just be honest and tell me why. For each of those hundreds of dumpings, I was given one of five bullplop excuses…
-I like you as just a friend
-I am getting back together with my ex
-I am not looking for anything right now
-I am really confused right now
-……………… (meaning silence, she just froze me out, “went dark” as they would say in the covert ops community, until I gave up trying to contact her)
For years, I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. I thought this was all my fault, since millions of other guys had girlfriends and relationships and I didn’t then the problem must be all on me, right? Missing out on relationships was difficult enough. Not knowing the real reason why made the situation about ten times worse.
Well, listening to Loveline for many years, and hearing the repetitive patterns of the female callers, the personality traits and decision making processes they employed, and how that was influenced by their experiences growing up…as these patterns emerged in my mind I started to compare these patterns to what I knew of the hundreds of women who dumped me without reason or conscience. As I discovered these patterns, the cause-and-effect relationships, it helped me partially come to terms with my painful dating past. It helped me to realize that, no, what I was put through wasn’t all my fault. I can now see that I didn’t do anything “wrong” while dating; my mistakes were choosing women who weren’t right in the head, combined with a lot of bad luck, I guess. Realizing all of this, and knowing what I know now, has taken away a lot of pain from the past. I wouldn’t have got to where I’m at now with this without years of listening to Loveline.
I sincerely hope I never find myself single again. But, if I do and start dating again, instead of the first question of a potential date being “What’s your name?” I think it should be “Where’s your dad?”
I was thinking about this post I had made, and I wanted to add something to it that may help someone else somewhere out there. Or, if this isn’t adding, it is at least articulating my initial thought in a different way.
When I was dumped those dozens and dozens and dozens of times during my single years, I wanted to know why. Not only did I want some sort of closure, but I wanted to know what it was about me that was broken so I knew what to fix so I wouldn’t get dumped any more. You can’t fix something if you don’t know what’s broken, right? You can guess, but a guess is never a proper diagnosis.
Well, what I’ve learned is that if I didn’t do anything wrong in the relationship (like cheating, beating, cancelling dates, etc.), then odds are excellent that the girl herself was just as clueless as I was about why she was dumping me. I learned this valuable lesson from my years listening to all these basket cases that called in to Loveline throughout the years I was listening to it. I wish I had learned this lesson as a child before I even became interested in dating. It would have saved me quite a bit of trouble and heartache.